People get married to be happy and stay together, not to be miserable and split up. But you are not happy and something has to change. Maybe you are wondering whether your marriage is actually bad enough to get a divorce. You and your spouse may have already talked about it. Perhaps your spouse doesn’t even know how unhappy you are. Or maybe one of you is having an affair.
By the time that one or both of you are seriously contemplating divorce the marriage is probably in really bad shape. The communication has broken down, there is very little intimacy, and you are feeling pretty hopeless. You probably have tried long and hard to improve your relationship and nothing has worked. No one wants to stay in an unhappy marriage that has very little chance of improving, but divorce is so painful and so final.
You don’t see an alternative at this point but you are conflicted since you still have some love and caring for your spouse and you are clinging to the hope that things can get better. The decision to get a divorce is a difficult one, but how do you decide?
Most people consider the idea of a divorce for quite a while before actually filing. After all, you don’t want to rush into something so serious. Here are some of the questions people ask themselves as part of making a decision:
- Do the advantages of your marriage outweigh the disadvantages?
- Has something happened that you just can’t get over?
- Have you fallen completely out of love?
- Are you done with the marriage?
- Is it better to stay or to go?
- Will your kids be able to handle it?
- Do you still have things in common or are you living separate lives?
- Do you think you will ever get your needs met emotionally, physically, and spiritually?
- Is there someone out there that would be better for you?
- Can you see yourself growing old with this person?
These are great questions to ask, but they don’t get to the heart of the matter. Some of the questions might lead you to stay and work on the marriage, while others may lead you to want to leave as soon as possible. Or you may feel one way about the marriage one day and different the next. You may confuse yourself with so many things to consider. So here is the best question to ask yourself:
Are you willing to go to marriage counseling and work on your relationship?
For some people, marriage counseling can be a safe place where you can determine whether or not to stay together. For others counseling can help you address the problems in your marriage and get a fresh start. You can learn communication skills to better understand your spouse and reduce conflict. You can learn relationship strategies to bring back closeness and intimacy. You can keep your family together and be happy again.
There is a good chance that you and your spouse can avoid the emotional and financial pain that is inevitable with divorce. Your marriage can not only be saved, but can emerge better and stronger than ever. Call me for more information or to schedule an initial consultation.